My Next Chapter

One more day. Just one more day. You can make it... 

I might be in shock still because I continue a routine as if I’m not leaving this town. Yes, I know I will be boarding a plane for Germany and then on to Romania. Yes, I have packed a lot of clothes for all the seasons. Yes, I have notified most of my friends and given last hugs goodbye. And yet my ticket reads one departure flight and nothing else. I’m leaving without a return flight. What am I doing? I’m letting go of any form of expectations and jumping into the unknown.

One of my friend’s relatives kept asking me when I was coming back as if it was unheard of to buy a one-way ticket. I kept repeating the same response: “I don’t know.” And actually I’m okay with that. Life has taken me in so many directions that I truly don’t know what will happen next (be it career, relationships, and even dinner decisions). It may come off as reckless and indecisive (as frustrating as a man at the cash register who doesn’t know what to order), but this is TRAVELING we are talking about. To plan a trip to the smallest detail means that you will miss the beauty of a journey.

My whole life I have been disappointed countless times because the reality never matched my expectations. Some might argue that my expectations are blinded by rose-colored glasses (like the time I thought I could do the Eat Pray Love thing in Italy) or that my dreams were too far-fetched (like the possibility that I would become the CEO of an international development firm). However, I must argue that the reason for the misalignment of expectations to reality is that I tend to have bad timing. I don’t live in a world that goes by the 9-5 work week. I don’t have to drive a car during rush hour. I don’t have obligations set by a spouse or family. I am a free spirit. So when I want to do something with friends I am free to do what I want, but it is rare when they are free to join me. Of which, it hurts a lot when I plan on hanging out with a friend but then they cancel last minute. But putting aside the fact that forgetting or canceling plans last minute is a form of disrespect, I know I need to remind myself that I am in a different place in my life… And it might be time to get new friends.

When you plan a trip you form ideas of what will happen on the plane, once you land, and all the activities you will be doing before you have to board that plane ride back. That is a trip. What I am going to start tomorrow is a journey. I have not planned on places I want to see or people I want to meet up with. I have only packed things that will last me for 4 months at the most. I will have a bit of a safety net through family, but for the most part (spiritually and mentally) I will be on my own.

I’ve actually taken a journey like this before (to Singapore), but I had more time to coordinate and say goodbye. In the end, though, I returned. I did not like the place I was living in and the people were not the kind of people I wanted to be around with for a long time. I had the opportunity to jump on a sailboat and sail around Southeast Asia, prolonging my journey, but I chickened out. I felt defeated when I came back because I know I am a traveler. So now I have a second chance with a couple of adjustments. Romania is not ideal, but it’s a start and it’s exciting! I hope to get a better prospective of the activity that is occurring in Eastern Europe. I want to drink coffee out in snowy weather, the way Europeans do. I can see myself dancing to techno music in a castle, like they do in Germany. I bought booties to look fashionable like the Italians and French. I was told there are bookstores that are humungous like the one in Beauty and the Beast… These are my expectations. Sadly, I believe that they will not come to fruition, so I need to clear my mind of it. I know my future-self will thank me.  

When I leave tomorrow, I’m stepping into a new arena. I don’t know what I will be doing. I don’t know who I will be hanging out with. I don’t know when, or even if I will be returning. All I know is that I’ll be planning as I go. Taking each step with confidence and breathing in a brand-new day. Listening to any traveling advice and waiting for a sign to tell me it’s time to move on. Letting my heart and soul grow stronger with each new experience. And that is the beauty of a journey.